things fall apart

sometimes, in my schooling career, things just seem to fall together in a perfect springtime-refreshing way. my classes seem to be focusing on all the same areas, my homework gets done with plenty of time to spend with my friends, no matter how much money i spend my bank account doesn't seem to get any smaller.

well that's not really happening right now, but it's nice to remember that sometimes it does.

spring break is almost here. i turn 20 in less than one month. i leave for nicaragua in 2 months and 2 weeks. in 4 months and 2 weeks i'll be back in the united states and probably living in a homeless shelter with little desire to go "home." this is what i am projecting, not expecting. i have no idea what i am expecting and i kinda like it that way. at least today.

i'm an RA if you didn't know and last night someone shit all over the bathroom on my floor. like all over the first stall. they actually didn't shit every where, the was just shit every where. it seemed like someone pooped their pants and then when taking them off got poop every where. and they decided to "clean it up" using their bra, underwear, and a pair of shorts. classy. being an RA is really like being a kindergarten teacher, except the kids get alcohol.

the end. i'm off work.

Snap!

Ginger Snaps are arguably my favorite cookie, especially with tea. They are so crispy and crunchy and delicious and they still hold their shape after being dipped in tea.

Last night I went to Shea Rileys. It was quite perplexing to be back on the music scene with all the fellow bystanders. It was like high school except everyone was smoking cigarettes, drinking PBR's, and waiting patiently for the next bowl. Sometimes, I like being home. Last night was no exception.

RIP
Yesterday, my tregus piercing wedged itself out of my ear. Before I realized it, it was too late. This being the second time I have had to take it out, logic is voting to not spend another $35 to get it done again, no matter how cute it is. Oh well, $35 more dollars towards my tattoo, which I am getting in approximately 6 days. Hooray!

In other news, school is almost out for the summer. The weather is changing. And I really don't want to leave here. I never thought I would get done with the sadness of leaving high school, just to have the end of my first year at college be exactly the same. Except this time, minus the excitement of going to a new place. I am trying to get over it, I know this summer will be decent. Good job, new house. I don't know. It's hard to explain without sounding like I hate every part of Omaha and everyone in Omaha. This is not the case. I sorta realized over Easter though how much more comfortable I am here. Comfortable because I am not comfortable. I've been pushing myself and having tough conversations and I just don't think that's going to happen in Omaha. Maybe I give this place too much credit. Maybe I need to let go of the idea that the things I do are tied so deeply to the place that I am. I don't know. I just think I am going to miss the people here a lot. A lot of people are leaving and I feel really left behind. Heck, people don't even have to be graduating or leaving the country to make me feel like I am not part of their lives anymore. Maybe that's it.

And in even more news, watch this. It's funny.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W91sqAs-_-g&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fthesuperficial%2Ecom%2F2007%2F04%2Falanis%5Fmorissette%5Fcovers%5Fmy%5Fhu%2Ephp

I definitely forgot how great slapdash was. I am listening to the cd while I'm studying for my International Politics final. Somehow my iTunes is screwed up and the slapdash cd is mixed in between Bear Country- it's interesting.

I am so ready to come home. I didn't think I would ever say that. Every time I have been home since being here has been great, but I never felt like I needed to. Now, I am aching to go home. Maybe because there is absolutely no one here, not one friend, no one, not even people that I recognize. I haven't really eaten since Friday, yeah I've had a bowl of soup and some yogurt, but I don't really feel like going to the cafeteria and sitting by myself. It usually doesn't bother me, but this weekend it has.

It is weird that my first semester of college is done. I am not going to say it was fantastic, it wasn't. I don't know if I learned a lot, maybe, if I did, my grades are not a good reflection. I guess I am still waiting for that moment when I feel like I am growing up. I know it will never come, growing up is a very arbitrary idea. It's like going up a hill and not feeling like you are getting any higher, because you have no perspective.

I miss people a lot. I miss the comfort of home. Too bad it is changing soon. My home will be someone elses home and I will have no room, no place. Bleh, better get used to it huh?

For Spring Break I am going to El Salvador. I am so excited. It hasn't really hit me yet. Although lately things have had very delayed responses- like I do not feel like I am going home tomorrow. I do not feel like I have one of the biggest tests in my life tomorrow morning. I do not feel like I should be studying. Anyways, El Salvador- Ellacuria. I like the name Ellacuria, because unless you say it with a Spanish accent it sounds stupid. It is a beautiful name, I can't wait to see how beautiful it really is.

Alright, I'm out.
Word.